i really don't even try to be, but lately i am feeling even less super than before. i am not doing anything well. i don't know when it happened, but i am not enjoying teaching this year. don't get me wrong, i love teaching, but this year, there is a disconnect between my head and my heart when it comes to teaching.
beware, stressed out venting ahead. read at your own risk!
i am now a mother of two little ones. when i am with them, i am thinking about the school work i need to do, and then when i am at school i am thinking about my kids. i know this is common and i even expected it, but what i didn't expect was the degree to which i would be stressed about everything. i even have an easier schedule than most, so why am i so unhappy? i work three days a week and get to be home the rest of the time. you would think it is a dream, and it is, but i can't seem to get ahead in any area.
my English class that i am teaching got an all new reading list this year, and several of the books have no lesson plans or vocabulary lists or quizzes to go with them. i am having to read and make up everything as i go and try to stay ahead of the students. (yes, i have checked, enotes, bookrags, and several other lesson plans sites online.) i am also trying to learn an all new writing system as i go. there are videos that i am trying to watch and understand, but i am watching them as i teach that unit. i am also working on two plays simultaneously, a jr. high and a high school production. oh, and did i mention, i am supposed to be working on two competition plays for the spring!!
i think it got harder when liam started crying almost every morning when we get him up. he just gets so sad and says, "liam go back to bed. liam go back to sleep." and then the fight to get him up and out to the car ensues. audrey is sweet, but it is hard to leave her when she looks at you with those big blue eyes.
i haven't even mentioned my house. it is a mess. i try to make dinner, but that doesn't always happen. laundry gets away from me. i don't know the last time i dusted. i am overwhelmed.
well, life is life and it is not fair, and it is not easy. i want a change, but i am not sure what change i want. can you please tell me what to do, because i am tired of thinking about it.
i really do know how blessed i am. i have a wonderful husband, who is so helpful, i have a great house to live in, a car to drive, and food on our table. and who can forget the amazing kiddos! they truly are wonderful, and i can say that after and evening of screaming and crying and chaos. i just needed to get it all the yucky thoughts out of my head. hopefully a good nights sleep will lead to a brighter tomorrow.
my prayers of late are for peace and guidance. what is in store for me next year and even the rest of this year? i know i have not been very trusting or relying on God as of late, and i know what a huge difference it can make. please send your prayers my way that i am more trusting and confident in God's plan and that i make more time to really pray, read, and listen to what He has to say to me.
here are two adorable little things that really do make things better
when i get to hold and snuggle with them:
