beware, stressed out venting ahead. read at your own risk!
i am now a mother of two little ones. when i am with them, i am thinking about the school work i need to do, and then when i am at school i am thinking about my kids. i know this is common and i even expected it, but what i didn't expect was the degree to which i would be stressed about everything. i even have an easier schedule than most, so why am i so unhappy? i work three days a week and get to be home the rest of the time. you would think it is a dream, and it is, but i can't seem to get ahead in any area.
my English class that i am teaching got an all new reading list this year, and several of the books have no lesson plans or vocabulary lists or quizzes to go with them. i am having to read and make up everything as i go and try to stay ahead of the students. (yes, i have checked, enotes, bookrags, and several other lesson plans sites online.) i am also trying to learn an all new writing system as i go. there are videos that i am trying to watch and understand, but i am watching them as i teach that unit. i am also working on two plays simultaneously, a jr. high and a high school production. oh, and did i mention, i am supposed to be working on two competition plays for the spring!!
i think it got harder when liam started crying almost every morning when we get him up. he just gets so sad and says, "liam go back to bed. liam go back to sleep." and then the fight to get him up and out to the car ensues. audrey is sweet, but it is hard to leave her when she looks at you with those big blue eyes.
i haven't even mentioned my house. it is a mess. i try to make dinner, but that doesn't always happen. laundry gets away from me. i don't know the last time i dusted. i am overwhelmed.
well, life is life and it is not fair, and it is not easy. i want a change, but i am not sure what change i want. can you please tell me what to do, because i am tired of thinking about it.
i really do know how blessed i am. i have a wonderful husband, who is so helpful, i have a great house to live in, a car to drive, and food on our table. and who can forget the amazing kiddos! they truly are wonderful, and i can say that after and evening of screaming and crying and chaos. i just needed to get it all the yucky thoughts out of my head. hopefully a good nights sleep will lead to a brighter tomorrow.
my prayers of late are for peace and guidance. what is in store for me next year and even the rest of this year? i know i have not been very trusting or relying on God as of late, and i know what a huge difference it can make. please send your prayers my way that i am more trusting and confident in God's plan and that i make more time to really pray, read, and listen to what He has to say to me.
here are two adorable little things that really do make things better
when i get to hold and snuggle with them:
aww, heather, you're going to make me cry. only because i empathize with you completely and i wish i could be there to give you a big hug and pray with you! i will pray for you tonight and i know God will give you some peace and guidance. you have so much on your plate right now, please don't be too hard on yourself and let other help. look for God to send someone to help you with these loads and relieve a little stress. you are a great mother and teacher and just keep praying, even when you're too tired to even think! love you!
ReplyDeleteLove you!!!! You are in my prayers daily!!!
ReplyDeleteI think you're pretty super! You are woman, hear you roar! You can do it!!!!! (Have I used a sufficient number of exclamation points?)
ReplyDeleteJami
Hey girl,
ReplyDeleteI am not supermom either and I have felt this way before, I think that you have too much on your plate. Teaching requires a lot of work, and there is nothing requiring more work than staying at home with your babies. My suggestion, talk to your school and see if you can cut back on something. Either a class or a play or something. Tell them you have too much going on and you need to put your family first. It is not easy, but I have had to do this in the past, and I know I made the right decision.
Also, let things be messy, cook frozen meals. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. It's ok, having two babies at home is hard work. I have been there, friend. If God is telling you to let something go, then just trust Him and do it, I promise He has your best interest in mind.
Let me know if I can help.